Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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