How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
