A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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