even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
