am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
