Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
