you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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