all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
