the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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