I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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