I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
