Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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