it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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