No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
