So drunk its hurt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
