WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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