Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
