the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In other news, I just burned my penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
