It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
