when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize