Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
