just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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