Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
