summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i now understand why vodka
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
