I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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