just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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