...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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