She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
love makes seman taste better
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
