I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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