They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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