My sheets look like a crime scene.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
