He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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