She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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