Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
