they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
