he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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