I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
