I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
