i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
