So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You made out with two different species that night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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