I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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