is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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