how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
