you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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