he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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