Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
