Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
