you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
