my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a hot homeless man
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone came in the potted fern
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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