If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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