Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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