I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
