fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
