So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
