quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How naked do you want me to be?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
