I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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