If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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