Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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