and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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