i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
