I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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