The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
