My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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