Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize