Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
