Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
