This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
