I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
