too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
