I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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