Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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