She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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