Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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