my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
