She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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