Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
