so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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