I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
