Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
should my penis look like a turkey
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You made out with two different species that night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
