The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
