so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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